Knowing If He's Checked Out Of The Relationship

Prognostication within a relationship means being aware of what the individual does and how those actions relate to future behaviors.

Ask anyone seeking to predict the weather or the winner of this season's Bachelor and they will confess the low likelihood of success. Fortunately, targeting specific ways he acts with you will indicate the temperature of the relationship. Let's look at these behaviors and the relational result.

Relation Status: Hot

In this zone, everything is hitting on all cylinders. These items will be the best they could possibly be both within the relationship and how things are operating.

Communication: He shares everything. No parts of his life appear off limits or clouded in too much mystery. He is more than an open book. He shares information without being asked, keeps everyone in the loop and listens well when you respond.

Teamwork: When it comes to everything, he possess clear opinions while taking in valuable input. Every decision demonstrates he is part of a team.

Vulnerability: His intentions and heart clearly are on display. At no point is there a question as to who he is aligned with. He confesses both his struggles and victories, his passions and plights.

Prognosis: Everything looks great. The relationship can grow and plumb greater depths from this place.

Relation Status: Warm

Bumps show up at this point. Some can be deep enough to cause lasting damage like a busted tire due to a huge pothole coming out of nowhere. That same thing can do more extensive damage down the road if not repaired.

Communication: He answers the questions posed to him without offering any elaboration. He does not lie or deliberately avoid topics. He is merely less inclined to talk with you about things.

Teamwork: He may be on board to work with you while keeping other areas completely separate. He might offer excuses like certain things do not involve you. His investment, though not devoid, is significantly less than full.

Vulnerability: His actions and motivations seem to be shrouded in mystery. He might be able to explain certain things. He more often will say he does not know what he thinks, feels or wants in a given situation.

Prognosis: Cause for concern. The way things trend at this point means the relationship is moving toward jeopardy, but it can still be saved.

Relation Status: Cold

Long term problems have fractured the skeleton making support, love and care luxuries rather than regular occurrences. From here, life support for love calls into question if things will survive.

Communication: He keeps everything to himself. Often he gives no basic information. He withholds details about where he is, what he is doing and who he spends time with. He represents the Bermuda Triangle in your life.

Teamwork: His actions point to being a solo player. Not only does he only look out for his interests, he likely never takes into account what you need even on the most basic level.

Vulnerability: He gives no sign of having any sort of emotional life or depth. He guards himself as though sharing anything with you might put himself at risk. He also does not seem to take into account the impact his coldness has on you.

Prognosis: Not good. If hope with tough work exists in the Warm stage, then tripled efforts and a miracle will be needed to rescue the relationship.

Stopping the cooling of the relationship means standing up, calling out problems and working when times get tough. Be brave. If he is not willing to change, you need to take the steps to keep yourself safe and healthy with or without him.

Assessing Men's Expectations

In a relationship, a challenge arises as to whether a man's expectation falls into the reasonable or unreasonable category. Taking time, considering what is being asked and the reason for the expectation forces one to prognosticate the future for themselves and the relationship. Nothing strains a relationship like an unrealistic standard. Let's look at expectations, their unreasonable counterparts and the motivations behind them.

Appearance: "I want her to look..."

Everyone has a type or things about how their partner looks. Because of the initial impression made by appearance, several expectations form. Some of these are based on personal taste. A partner may prefer a certain hair color or clothing choice. Sometimes these can be fluid provided the guy realizes all the factors going into how someone looks.

Unrealistic: Run away if when his expectation sounds like a letter to a popular men's magazine complete with measurements and phrases like "the girl next door." A preference for down to earth beauty typified by the description is fine. When it becomes the only focus, he is seeking some teenage fantasy rather than a real person.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Simply put, a lack of maturity establishes this type of expectation. One of the greatest dangers with playing into this view of oneself centers around the flattening of other healthy aspects of you. Intelligence and personality become secondary at best with a focus on a looks.


Personality: "She's got to be..."

Everyone has heard a litany of descriptors for personality or nature including sweet, exciting, biting and countless others to which they are drawn. We all have parts of our personalities and they manifest themselves in different ways. One person might display playfulness by cracking jokes while another might chose to take time to plan an activity. Neither is wrong because they show a nuanced way of being.

Unrealistic: "You need to be..." implies a static form of interactions. The words themselves dictate someone wanting their needs to be met without every taking into account how the other person feels. No one gets to mandate the way someone expresses themselves.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Any number of reasons might be the cause for such an expectation. Fear of not being in control or wishing to deal with only things on the surface may nudge a man to keep things light, reasonable or sensual. Emotional and relational self management combined with safety may make a guy stick guardrails around a freely expressing person.

Relational: "My partner always..."

People like to know who they are dealing with. They seek someone with similar interests, love languages they connect with and with whom they experience a connection. These factors, in and of themselves, are not bad. They can help in the selection process and everyone has them.

Unrealistic: "Always" and "only" for every aspect of a partner does not allow for a wide range of things. As the list grows from one or two declarative items, the man has stopped looking for a person. He starts seeking a list. A major drawback is how many people it cuts out of being a potential partner.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Does everyone not want exactly what they want without any surprises? Most do. If asked, men would say they are open minded with a few deal breakers. This is true. A few men go so far as to mandate everything about the person they seek. Those individuals could be dealing with issues and possibly require time and space to grow.

Everyone, men and women, have expectations. It is impossible not to have them. The moment the expectations dictate everything about a possible partner is when they cross over into unrealistic. Standing up to unreasonable demands will help break the expectations opening the door for a deeper relationship and opportunity to discover each other for real.

Keeping Partners Happy

Relationship happiness challenges every couple and grows only more so the longer couples remain together. It goes beyond flowers at Valentine's Day and a sweet card on the anniversary. Knowing one's partner is critical followed closely by avoiding the temptation of self interest. Let's see some key missteps and wins in keeping partners happy.

Self Happiness Temptation

The person's tastes and preferences one knows the best is their own. When making decisions in a relationship, they can have a hard time putting aside what they prefer in favor of their partner. What causes these choices to be wrong?

* They ask for a change the partner is not willing to make -- either because they do not want or are not ready to make.
* They seek to establish a level of commitment for one's own security in the relationship.
* They cast the individual in a light not fitting who they really are causing them to feel a deep discomfort.
* They call into question the reason for the relationship if they do not meet unspoken expectations.

Early on, these sorts of things can be talked out because couples are getting to know each other. The amount of information they do not have far outweighs what they possess. Trouble occurs when it continues to happen because then a partner begins feeling they are not being heard.

What Makes Them Happy

A few simple rules exist to discover what makes another person feel happy in a relationship. If they are simple, people think everyone gains access and follows through in every instance. Because of such an unfortunate misconception coupled with a person's natural desire to follow their own self interest, partners need to interrogate and investigate what they are doing.

Ask: Often simply asking a partner will give the clearest indication the aspects of relationships bringing them the most joy. Bear in mind, this might change because people often blind themselves to what they really want. People also need to feel safe enough to be able to give voice to their desires in a relationship.

Watch: People will do things pointing to just what makes them happy. Do they say they need time alone and then linger in the same room with questions? They could be asking for the contact or time. Maybe they produce something creative and need the nurturing safety of the relationship.

Hear: As with everything, we all long to be heard, sometimes even the words. A partner who lived in a tumultuous house growing up may struggle with expressing how deeply they care. By being exposed to their history, one can pick out bits of their story coming through in what they do and positively impact them when they are opening up.

Happiness Connection

There are two people in the relationship, so happiness is not based on a single side. Pursing only one person's bliss will create a lack of balance. Why would this be bad? It provides a place of hiding. By being shielded, couples may become close without any opportunity for deeper connection. This means communicating, exploring activities together and fostering inclusion. This should be reciprocated because happiness should be both people's goal.

Think of a relationship as a tree. Rarely, does anyone ask if a tree is happy. Fortunately, everyone knows when it is happy because it is healthy, strong and growing. A relationship where both partners flourish, feel heard and laugh together stretches its root deep into the ground and hold fast for years to come.

Moving Back into Trust

Trust issues prove insidious and some of the most difficult to overcome. Why are they so tricky? Any number of things start, trigger and impact trust issues. People seeking freedom from their trust issues need to identify their source, make a plan to deal with them and change how they respond to them moving forward. These appear simple on the surface and they are for the most part. The biggest trick stems from executing them. We must look at each in turn.

Identifying the Source of Trust Issues

Trust damage come from both external and internal sources. Specific exterior events plant the seed for trust issues and the internal response often feeds the underlying doubts. Looking at each help clarify the presence.

Outside Factors

When facing these items, one benefits by considering them like inciting incidents in stories. They might not ever come up exactly the same way again, but they get the ball rolling. Also, the events, especially if not addressed, may spiral into a repeating pattern.

* Bad Examples: The first relational experiences one gets is in the the home where they were born. This is where they experience trust first hand. Parents make promises to do certain things. If they fail to follow through on these things, one begins to wonder if anyone will come through when the chips are down.

* Infidelity: Nothing goes further to break trust and sow doubt from the outside than a cheating partner. Several questions, some valid and others invalid, worm their way into the mind. Cheating casts everything in a sickly light proving much more difficult to combat going forward.

Inside Factors

The internal life of someone may not overtly create trust issues. One should think of these as nutrients in the soil. They can either promote or deter the possibility of trust. These often manifest in consistent ways and are much harder to alter.

* Incorrect Messages: Taking the wrong message from an event and attaching a value statement to it causes doubt to creep around the edges. Trust needs truth like plants require sunlight. These messages are lies told to one's self.

* Inadequacy: An assessment of one's value makes trusting good and bad external events more difficult. If selecting people who always cheat, it would be easy to feel one deserves to be cheated on and not worth love. These statements are false, but the lowered view makes them easier to attach in the mind.

Making a Plan

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to come out differently causes madness. For such a reason, a person needs a plan to change their outlook on several things including themselves. The plan will address key roadblocks to altering mindsets.

* Outside help from a counselor or trusted friend gives a fresh and accurate viewpoint.
* Lists of inaccurate views and their break with outside evidence changes the way one sees things.
* Challenges arise when guarding oneself, so have a consistent series of steps to address the issues when they arise.

Growing into a Fresh Viewpoint

Once possessing an accurate view with trust as the cornerstone change becomes possible. One must strive for success even though these issues want to remain.

* Be Positive: Outlook is key, so keep it positive.

* Consistency: Momentum grows when someone executes positive behaviors like looking at things correctly.

* Use the New: New and correct viewpoints need to be guarded fiercely and used every time to bring about change.

These actions are difficult in the face of a new cheating partner or the secret whispers from inside. This is why having someone who you can ask for help bolsters the odds for success. Find that ally and lean on them when tested.

Peace comes from trusting one's self because almost everything in the world seeks to undermine it at all costs. It is not enough to be in a place emotionally where than is possible. One also needs to establish space within their life where truth can flourish. From a place of hope and trust, one can trust others and grow into deeper relationships moving forward.

Steps to Potent Passion

Couples seek ways to fire up their lives. Often the word passion denotes a focus on the bedroom. Passion means more than strictly a physical connection.

Passion builds an existing connection. Couples without connection rarely create the heat necessary to spark deep and lasting passion. Taking the small steps permit couples to move toward greater passion and find the right spot to light the fire they need.

Changes Are Key

Routine allows couples to possess a sense of continuity in their relationship. A fine line exists between comfort and staleness. Couples who experience the same things repeatedly have tendency fall closer to complacency. They sense everything is fine and will always be that way.

This makes throwing a little variety critical to ignite passion. Step one is making a change, any change, and see where things go. Some ways to shake things up can include planning an event with a small amount of direct interaction like a concert. Travel provides an easy way to change things up by drastically altering the surroundings, entertainment options and local cuisine making passion a pleasurable byproduct.

Take More Risks

Couples looking to fire things up must do more than just change things. Making an effort by expanding their horizons offers an opening for passion to enter. Risks come in several stripes. What may sound daring to one partner may be dipping a toe in the pool for another.

Talking about what to do, how risky to be and getting comfortable with the expectations assures both people will not be uncomfortable when the time comes to jump in the water.

One should never force their partner into things they do not want to do because nothing stifles passion like an unwilling participant. Let's look at some guidelines for stretching the boundaries.

* Make It New for Both of You: No one should be an expert because it allow growth and comfort for both of you.
* Be Open: Saying yes, even with the possibility of appearing foolish, will generate a thrill leading to enriching passion.
* Laugh About the Mistakes: Doing something risky means things might not go perfectly and laughing about the foibles free everyone up to do it again.

Contact Is Critical

Passion grows best in an environment where every level of relational contact is present. Couples who communicate well, trust one another and connect find passion in almost everything they do. They relish the new things they experience while enjoying tasks other may find mundane.

Physical contact is more than merely sexual contact. Hand holding can occur in the grocery store or after an mud run where both people are filthy and tired. Simple touching can grow to more intimate contact. Stolen kisses linger for longer and longer making skin warm to match beating hearts.

More important than mere physical contact is a meeting of a couple's hearts. Hearts united and open will give each person the freedom they need to share the deepest longings, desires and truths. In the cauldron of deep love, passion blazes bright. Couples are able to maintain a passion like this because of the trust they have in each other.

Passion proves best when maintained and grown over time. Phases of life exist where passion flees. Often outside circumstances rob couples of their passion.

One of the saddest days occur when a couple surrenders their passion thinking it has been lost forever when all they need is a little time and care. Take the steps necessary and jealously guard the passion between you because it is priceless.

Too Many Break Ups

While in the midst of a series of break ups, people see them as eternal and feel as though nothing will ever change. The sensation may cause one to question if they have made the right decision.

An important thing to remember is patterns shift without warning. One might begin questioning if they have gone through too many break ups following their most recent one.

This sensation will be heightened if several have occurred within a short period of time. Spotting warning signs of a concerning trend may signify a deeper issue. Identifying them becomes critical before making any changes.

Addicted to the New

Some people crave new relationships and will end a relationship to experience something new. Those pursuing novelty may not even realize the pattern in their behavior. Let's look at some reasons the new might appeal to a person.

* Fresh Stories: After hearing repeated tales from the same person, the seeker will get to hear things they never have. A new teller might even spice up similar stories which have grown stale.

* Loss of Interest: Those entranced by originality may tune out of the relationship when things grow familiar. With this lack, they seek something to spice things up.

* Opportunity for Reinvention: Sometimes they also might wish to change their own narrative. As with their partner, telling one's history grows tedious for themselves as well. They can embellish new things when they retell it to someone different.

Lacking Growth

Someone who chronically bails from the couple could believe they have reached the zenith of the relationship. Like with the quest for the new, they feel the next person possesses the correct key to unlock all their potential. A sad truth is the individual responsible for their stagnation is often not the other person. Rarely does the person ending things repeatedly have the courage to address the deeper truth. Connected to this viewpoint is how the person uses their romantic partners for their own end. Rather than embracing who they want to become and pursing the goal, they look for another person to fill the hole within themselves.

Afraid of What's Next

Being too scared to move deeper into a committed relationship is a common problem for those who chronically terminate relationships. Most of the greatest concerns facing the couple prove more imagined than real. Commitment allows for deeper growth. Love becomes richer when couples display vulnerability with one another. One of the sad truths is such a level can only be achieved by those who remain together and unafraid of what the future holds for them.

One of the most important things to remember is too many break ups does not denote a number. A person can have a single relationship end causing them to surrender their hope of finding someone they love and who loves them. Also, the only time the number is too many is after finding the right person. Be aware of the reasons for each break up, do not fall into an unhealthy pattern and trust in the possibility of love.

The Hazard of Happiness from Others

A sensation of happiness arise from countless sources like a fresh baked cookie from a parent, a great nap on a rainy day or the ideal word from the most important person in one's life. While not bad in and of themselves, only seeking happiness from others leads to numerous complications. Romantic relationships relying solely on one another for any form of validation bring even greater issues. Understanding the reasons why this viewpoint is bad for the other person, the individual and the relationship as a whole must be understood before spotting red flag this reliance has crept into the relationship already.

Reasons It Is Bad for Them

People, even the best and most given ones, do not save other people. Placing someone in a position where they must sustain an emotional well with the potential of never being completely filled asks too much of them. This multifaceted person transforms into a conduit of the desired thing: Happiness. Consider how two dimensional it makes them. When the transition happens, then little concern arises for their needs. They stop being someone and becomes something.

Reasons It Is Bad for You

No one has ever grown, found satisfying love or even a good friend by focusing on getting something from another person. Even in scenarios where a quid pro quo exists, the transactional nature poisons one's ability to focus on sacrificially caring for the other person because you are not invested in them and their happiness. Outside of the relationship and the other person, it becomes harder to grow and experience things on your own due to having this great person who is there just to make you happy.

Reasons It Is Bad for the Relationship

Think about a spider's web. No matter how large the spider or intricate their web, no one has ever witnessed them catching a bird. Relationships are similarly fragile and sticky. If one person becomes selfish and claims the lion's share of anything, the balance gets thrown off and everything falls down. Also, it is easy for this to become a pattern without anyone realizing. When this happens, it becomes much harder to break the cycle and move forward. Both people must seek the other's happiness and revel in the joy they receive from being with the other person.

Red Flags of Happiness Dominance

Some signs might peek around the corners letting one know this already exists. Let's look at these concerns.

* Swinging Up and Down: Responding overly up or down when receiving happiness from one's partner may demonstrate and overly charged link. Variations should exist in one's emotions, but it becomes troubling when tied to a specific person and their behaviors or responses.

* Running Off Fear: Fear within in a relationships is like fast food for the body. It can be a good short term solution, but things operate poorly in such an environment. If one only feels the acidic tang on fear when not receiving happiness from their partner, the cycle may have started.

* Rudderlessness: A withdrawal of overall happiness when not supplied by one's partner might create a sensation of being lost. The best way to identify this is when everything else seems to running well and yet not knowing where to go, what to do or how one feels overwhelms everything else.

Some of the greatest joy one can feel is in caring for another person and receiving the care in return. Watch for a growing sense of selfishness and be quick to talk to each other. This can be difficult for either individual because the temptation to say this is how love is supposed to be displayed. Healthy boundaries mean not siphoning off another person or letting them use you for their benefit. Be partners and love one another well.